Why "Random Panda"?
So I'm finally doing this. I set it up weeks ago and then I got distracted. That happens a lot in my home and in my work and in almost everything I do. Most distractions are pleasant, like T getting me coffee or a new picture of Little Man or P-Man sharing his day with all his wonderful energy. Work also distracts me in a good way: planning worship, reading and Bible Study. But then there are other distractions like anxiety, death and grief, and lately snow - too much snow. It's not that the other distractions are bad (except the snow - sometimes); they are just harder. The distraction this time was anxiety about this blog. You see I never really thought I'd do a blog - I enjoy reading other blogs, but I'm in the midst of writing a book, more writing seems counter-productive. Then all these random thoughts kept distracting me from the book and a friend said, "You should write a blog for all these random thoughts that come from being all these things to all these people. It might help."
So, now I'm writing a book and 2 blogs. Why 2? One is more focused: it's the minister of the church blog and can be found in the next week or so attached to First Christian Church of Springfield's page. This is not that blog. This is a more random, personal kind of thing. I'm going to be brutally honest: if you are uncomfortable knowing your minister's inner thoughts and feelings - this is not the blog for you. This blog isn't really about ministry, although extricating my life from ministry doesn't happen really; it won't be polished; it's probably going to be messy; and it will definitely be random.
"Random Panda" is something my son (P-Man) came up with a couple years ago. First, he collects pandas. It all began when he was a little, little guy: we were shopping; he was fussy; I picked up a random stuffed animal, a panda, to try to quiet him. It did, and that panda was his companion for years to come (still is sometimes). Fast forward to four years ago when he decided he never wanted to eat school lunch again, and I started packing him a lunch in a brown paper sack. One particular week, he was having a really rough time; it was Wednesday, so on the bag I drew a camel and wrote "What day is it?" and then below the camel wrote "Hang in there. It's almost Friday. Love - Mom". He beamed at the drawing. The next week I did it again. Again he beamed. The next day I drew a little picture puzzle for him to figure out. A couple weeks later I added "Friday Fox" with the "TGIF" caption. Finally a few weeks in, he didn't want to go to school. He was being bullied and felt exhausted by everything we were doing to intervene and also keep up with his school work. I drew a little black and white panda waving and holding a big heart with the caption "We got U". He came home and said, "Random Panda made my day!" It's become a thing for us now. There's the stuff you can count on, like a hedge hog when you're feeling sleepy; a bee to remind to you to "be kind" or "be light" etc.; Wednesday Camel ("Hump Day"); "I love you to the moon and back" spelled out in symbols; and "Friday Fox". But every now and then "Random Panda" shows up to remind you how incredibly loved you are or funny you are or to make you think about something. It's there when you need it, even when you don't know you need it.
My life is pretty random. I've never fit the mold. I'm a mom to an amazing kid who has a unique perspective on life and who presents challenges and joys at every turn. I'm a wife who loves her husband and isn't ashamed to say he frustrates me a lot. I'm a minister, and I love my job and my flock, but sometimes I doubt what God had in mind when God called me. I have amazing friends and I still shut down too often and don't let them in. I have a beautiful adopted "grandson/Nanababy" (Little Man) who probably saved me from insanity this past year. I have adopted kids (we'll call them Sweets & Angel Girl) who I hardly get to see, but for whom I would walk through fire and drive 2000 miles to be with if they need me; and I just might go straight up Dragon Mama on you if you hurt them or my boys. I am tender and kind and, according to my brother, have the most peaceful and beautiful aura, but I also have a mean streak and I sometimes yell. I am the calm non-anxious presence in every room, who is probably losing it in some pushed back corner of my mind.
And I have these thoughts - these random, often quirky thoughts, that I really can't always share with the room at large. So that brought me here, to write a random blog about all those things. I'm really just writing for me, to iron it out and see the pathway, to maybe not worry what people will think and just let the Universe sort it. And if someone finds a "Random Panda" here, I'm glad the Universe could arrange it, because I think we all need that.
So, now I'm writing a book and 2 blogs. Why 2? One is more focused: it's the minister of the church blog and can be found in the next week or so attached to First Christian Church of Springfield's page. This is not that blog. This is a more random, personal kind of thing. I'm going to be brutally honest: if you are uncomfortable knowing your minister's inner thoughts and feelings - this is not the blog for you. This blog isn't really about ministry, although extricating my life from ministry doesn't happen really; it won't be polished; it's probably going to be messy; and it will definitely be random.
"Random Panda" is something my son (P-Man) came up with a couple years ago. First, he collects pandas. It all began when he was a little, little guy: we were shopping; he was fussy; I picked up a random stuffed animal, a panda, to try to quiet him. It did, and that panda was his companion for years to come (still is sometimes). Fast forward to four years ago when he decided he never wanted to eat school lunch again, and I started packing him a lunch in a brown paper sack. One particular week, he was having a really rough time; it was Wednesday, so on the bag I drew a camel and wrote "What day is it?" and then below the camel wrote "Hang in there. It's almost Friday. Love - Mom". He beamed at the drawing. The next week I did it again. Again he beamed. The next day I drew a little picture puzzle for him to figure out. A couple weeks later I added "Friday Fox" with the "TGIF" caption. Finally a few weeks in, he didn't want to go to school. He was being bullied and felt exhausted by everything we were doing to intervene and also keep up with his school work. I drew a little black and white panda waving and holding a big heart with the caption "We got U". He came home and said, "Random Panda made my day!" It's become a thing for us now. There's the stuff you can count on, like a hedge hog when you're feeling sleepy; a bee to remind to you to "be kind" or "be light" etc.; Wednesday Camel ("Hump Day"); "I love you to the moon and back" spelled out in symbols; and "Friday Fox". But every now and then "Random Panda" shows up to remind you how incredibly loved you are or funny you are or to make you think about something. It's there when you need it, even when you don't know you need it.
My life is pretty random. I've never fit the mold. I'm a mom to an amazing kid who has a unique perspective on life and who presents challenges and joys at every turn. I'm a wife who loves her husband and isn't ashamed to say he frustrates me a lot. I'm a minister, and I love my job and my flock, but sometimes I doubt what God had in mind when God called me. I have amazing friends and I still shut down too often and don't let them in. I have a beautiful adopted "grandson/Nanababy" (Little Man) who probably saved me from insanity this past year. I have adopted kids (we'll call them Sweets & Angel Girl) who I hardly get to see, but for whom I would walk through fire and drive 2000 miles to be with if they need me; and I just might go straight up Dragon Mama on you if you hurt them or my boys. I am tender and kind and, according to my brother, have the most peaceful and beautiful aura, but I also have a mean streak and I sometimes yell. I am the calm non-anxious presence in every room, who is probably losing it in some pushed back corner of my mind.
And I have these thoughts - these random, often quirky thoughts, that I really can't always share with the room at large. So that brought me here, to write a random blog about all those things. I'm really just writing for me, to iron it out and see the pathway, to maybe not worry what people will think and just let the Universe sort it. And if someone finds a "Random Panda" here, I'm glad the Universe could arrange it, because I think we all need that.
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